Is There a "Rewind" Button On This Thing?

I have always tried to live life in such a way that I don't have to look back and say "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda", but as I'm getting closer & closer to 40 years old (yargh), I do find myself looking back and wondering what might have been. Damn this Plinky thing for bringing up the right question at the right time.

I wonder what would have happened if I had been more aggressive in the group interview for a high school student exchange program. Would spending a year in Germany have made me a different person?

I often wonder what kind of love I lost when I didn't act on my crush on my dear friend Donnie in high school. He was simply amazing, and now he's not with us. The fact that I'll never know if he felt the same way towards me is a major regret.

The decision to stay in Tennessee and work at a small, non-profit theatre company was never a regret for me…I learned a lot, did quality work, and had a steady paycheck for almost 14 years. I met my husband and got married there. Even so, sometimes I ponder what might have happened if I'd decided to move to New York and tried to be a working artist in the "big city".

I'm terribly afraid that I'm going to be one of those women who wakes up and realizes that she forgot to have kids…I have put off having children for so long now (due to concerns over money, mostly), that I'm afraid it's never going to happen. I wish I hadn't been so cavalier about time. It flies, whether you're having fun or not.

I hope that this doesn't come off as a sad-sack post. I'm really pretty happy with where life has taken me. I truly don't regret anything so far…except maybe the kids thing. That will come back to bite me in the ass, just you wait and see.


3 Responses to “Is There a "Rewind" Button On This Thing?”

  1. 1 Jules May 6, 2009 at 7:53 am

    Oh punkin head, I didn’t know you had an actual CRUSH. He adored you. I miss him, too.

    Thanks for my b’day wishes,

  2. 2 whall May 12, 2009 at 12:01 am

    1. I was born in 1970
    2. My daughter’s pet name is punkinhead
    3. Kids do sometimes come up and bite you in the ass, no joke.

  3. 3 Sizzle May 21, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    I wonder if I have missed the kid boat (not married, not even dating anyone) but then I think I still have time. Life leads us in directions we often never thought we’d go.

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